Fly The Frightening Skies

When it comes to travel, people have some ridiculous ideas about safety. For example, many people are afraid to fly on airplanes, even though statistics have shown that if you’re crazy enough to fly, airplanes are one of the 7 or 8 safest ways to do it. If you want to fly somewhere, you should [...]

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Politics As Usual

WARNING: The following column deals with the serious subject of “presidential politics”. Federal law requires Professional Columnists to write occasional in-depth political analysis columns. Federal law does not require you, as members of the General Public, to read these columns. But we are working on it.
As we enter the “home stretch” of the 2000 presidential [...]

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Modern Guy Buys a New Computer

I have a new computer! It came with 4 megabytes of memory, a 320×240 pixel monochrome screen, a tiny speaker, and no keyboard. Impressed yet?
Oh yeah, it fits in my pocket. It’s one of those new little hand-held computers. A Phillips Nino, to be exact. It even runs Windows, just like a big computer except [...]

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Modern Guy Gets Motivated

My employers recently decided it was time for me to “maximize my potential”. I’m not sure why they waited 10 years to spring this on me. My potential had been running along at a respectable 13% for some time.
As it turns out, pretty much everyone’s potential was in desperate need of being maximized. Which is [...]

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Domestic Distress

My wife and I are not terribly “domestic”. However, we do whatever it takes to keep our household in tip-top shape. For example, we’ve only lived in our current home five years, and we are already considering washing the windows.
Of course, we don’t want to rush into anything, so we’re just kind of playing it [...]

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Stamp of Disaproval

You’ve probably been wondering, “What is the small eastern African nation of Tanzania doing to help keep alive the memory of Jerry Garcia, famous drug addict who also, I believe, had a band?”
Well, wonder no more! The Post Office of Tanzania has released the Limited Edition Jerry Garcia commemorative postage stamps. According to an actual [...]

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Latest Column

A Night On the Town

I recently took my wife out for drinks. Hey, don’t look so surprised — I’m as spontaneous and romantic as the next guy (assuming the next guy is Fred Flintstone). So after work one Friday, I looked into my wife’s eyes, smiled boyishly, and said, “We’re out of toilet paper, dear.”
That’s how we [...]

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