I recently took my wife out for drinks. Hey, don’t look so surprised — I’m as spontaneous and romantic as the next guy (assuming the next guy is Fred Flintstone). So after work one Friday, I looked into my wife’s eyes, smiled boyishly, and said, “We’re out of toilet paper, dear.”
That’s how we [...]
A new Modernguy column has been posted. I’m looking forward to returning to the weekly column grind - I feel really refreshed after that 10 year break. Enjoy! And read all my new and classic columns here.
Finally, a puppet show that doesn’t “talk down” to kids (but does give them nightmares and the need for years of expensive counseling).
I’ve come to the conclusion that watching a TV Food Network show about preparing crabs while suffering from the flu isn’t a great idea. I was never a big fan of crabs (sometimes called ‘icky giant sea beetles’), but now I’m not sure I’ll be able to watch Sponge Bob Square Pants ever again without passing out. Curse you, Alton Brown! (or is that, “Thank You!”?)
Forty years ago today computer scientists at the University of California, Los Angeles, established a network connection between two computers, creating the very first node of what we now know as the Internet. I’m guessing the first email offering cheap Viagra was received 2 or 3 minutes later.
Man arrested for shooting his own lawnmower:
A Milwaukee man who shot his malfunctioning lawn mower in a fit of possibly drunken rage faces a felony weapons charge, authorities say.
Police arrested Keith Walendowski, 57, Friday after officers said they found an illegal short-barreled shotgun and a handgun along with ammunition for both in his basement, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported.
“It’s my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want,” Walendowski allegedly told police.
Amen, brother. Don’t let the mower-rights wackos win!
Forty soups, 100 salads and 150 desserts perched upon a 500-foot (152-meter) maze of tables.
It was enough — 510 different dishes in all — to qualify on Tuesday for a Guinness record for the World’s Largest Buffet.
“I’m interested in trying some of the desserts now,” said tired and hungry Guinness official Nadine Causey, who flew in from London to certify that Las Vegas Hilton Executive Chef George Bargisen had assembled at least 500 unique offerings to create the new record buffet.
Sadly, it was just a one-time event. 
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How about “When Super Models Attack“?
Supermodel diva Naomi Campbell went ballistic on her assistant Thursday, flinging a cell phone at her assistant’s head, sending her to the hospital, police said.
The 41-year-old assistant wound up with four stitches and the 35-year-old Campbell, among the highest paid models in the world, wound up at the Midtown North Precinct, fingerprinted and charged for second-degree assault, the latest in a line of allegations by her employees.
Come on, the assistant probably had it coming. Maybe she offered Naomi a tic-tac or something. Besides, Super Models have a lot of wisdom to offer.
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A convenience store clerk pleaded no contest Thursday to felony charges of tampering after he urinated in a bottle of soda that was later drunk by a customer who became violently sick.
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A disease I probably don’t need to worry too much about: “workaholism”. From Reuters:
Sam used to sneak into his office before dawn so no one would know how many extra hours he worked. Charles goes on all-night work binges to meet deadlines, and Susan can’t say no to volunteer projects, social clubs, bridge games, choral singing, lectures and classes.
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