“Behold the power of Cheese.”

Someone was paid actual U.S. currency to come up with that advertising slogan. Is this a great country, or what? Not only that, but the “Behold the power of Cheese” ad campaign has been incredibly successful, in the sense that everyone I ask is sick to death of it.

The latest TV commercial inciting me to behold cheese’s power also told me to go to www.ilovecheese.com. Being a typical brainwashed consumer drone, I did as ordered. It turned out to be one of those web sites that real companies create in all total seriousness, but that still end up looking like someone’s idea of a bad joke. Some of the topics on the site are: “all about cheese”, “cheese spotlight”, and my personal favorite, “cheese bytes” (get it?!).

On the web site there is also a picture of a guy with a bullwhip and a chair, facing off against a giant wedge of cheese. He (the guy) even has a pistol in case things get out of hand (cheese is unpredictable).

“Please visit What’s New for the latest, hippest, most happening details about the world of cheese” is an actual quote from the cheese web site. It never occurred to me that cheese was even “hip”, let alone “most happening”.

Here is another actual quote: “To purchase Behold the power of Cheese(tm) merchandise (T-shirts, key chains, etc.), please call Spartan Promotions at 1-800-441-1333 and ask for Megan. ”

T-shirts? Key Chains? What cheese-obsessed planet are these scary freaks from? And, is Megan being held against her will?

There is also a “feedback” form on the web site, which I used to send the following sad cry for help to the cheese people:
Dear Cheese Folks:

I like your cheese slogan, “Behold the power of Cheese(tm)”. However, I think a better advertising slogan might be “Cheese is powerful, and you should be holding some”.

As you can see, this slogan maintains the overall “cheese equals power” theme, but it also gives a clearer message to the average “joe-cheese-eater” that he should get his hands on some cheese (buy it or whatever) so that he can have power, too. My slogan also still has the word “behold” in it, although I’ve split it into two parts and added an “ing” to one of them.

As you might imagine, I’m very interested in any feedback you can give me regarding my suggested slogan. I never really thought about a career in advertising, but I think I have a talent for it. Or maybe it’s just because I have very strong cheese feelings.

How much did you pay the guy who came up with “Behold the power of Cheese(tm)”? My slogan is not only better (in my opinion), but I’m sure I could charge a little less than that guy did.

Sincerely,

Joe Shockley

I sent this note just over a week ago, and I’ve already received a very lucrative offer in the mail (purchase 12 CD’s for a penny). Now if only the cheese people would get back with me. I probably shouldn’t be holding my breath.

Unless someone cuts the cheese.

by Joe Shockley, September 3, 1999