eBay may be the most addictive web site on the Internet today. At the very least, it’s the most addictive web site not featuring Pamela Anderson Lee “before and after” pictures.

I know I’m addicted in a big way (to eBay, not Pamela pics…really!). I have been eBaying for just a few months, but I’m ready to quit my day job so I can begin trolling junkyards and swap meets for top-quality garbage I can duct tape back together and sell on eBay.

I definitely like selling more than buying, although I have bought a few items. For example, I recently “won” the bidding on a stainless steel Ninja sword, 38 inches long and with a nice sharp edge. Umm, do fingers grow back?

You’re probably wondering why I thought I needed a Ninja sword. Have you ever had a brilliantly logical reason for buying something, but when your spouse found out about the purchase you just couldn’t seem to remember what that reason was? Or is it just me?

That’s what I was afraid of.

Anyway, my true love is selling. I’ve auctioned off all sorts of things, including my old Dungeons and Dragons books – now you know I’m a geek. Usually I even turn a nice profit, although that’s not really the point. If I were interested in making money, I would have grown up to be something other than an Internet humor columnist. Like maybe a burger flipper.

The reason it’s possible to turn a nice profit on eBay is that many bidders are clinically insane. In one auction, I was selling a totally ordinary item, hoping to get at least half of the list price. To let people know how valuable the item was, I even put the list price in the auction description, in bold type: $24.95. The item ended up going for $32 plus shipping, almost twice what you would pay for the exact same thing from several major online stores. Quite a bit more than the one penny I had started the bidding at!

I should have asked the winning bidder if he was interested in this really big bridge I’m selling cheap.

One surprising thing about my fellow eBayers is that they are almost unanimously “nice folks”. Their emails are friendly and informative, they usually ask intelligent questions, and they deliver what they promise. To make up for forgetting to ship a book to a teacher who wanted to read it to her class, I slipped a few extra books into the shipment. I got back a photo of her class and a nice thank-you note, in spite of the fact that I was the one who originally screwed up.

One reason everyone on eBay is nice to each other is “FEEDBACK”. After every eBay transaction, both parties get to rate the experience as “positive”, “negative” or “neutral”. They also get to post a brief note about the transaction. Get a lot of bad feedback, and people won’t do business with you.

Maybe the real world should work like eBay. Everyone could wear an electronic badge with their feedback rating displayed on it. And we’d all have remote zappers to add feedback to other people’s badges. Climb on an elevator before people have a chance to get off, and BAM!: negative feedback. Let a car merge in front of you in heavy traffic and KAPLOWIE!: positive feedback.

“eBay as a life philosophy”? I like it! Just don’t expect me to bid on that stupid Furby you’re trying to unload. Well ok, maybe I could go as high as fifteen dollars. Want to bid on a like-new Ninja sword?

by Joe Shockley,

June 2, 2000