Now that I have won the cash prize in a major sweepstakes, I’m trying to just go on with life as usual.

This task is somewhat simplified by the fact that my cash prize is a check for fifty cents. It was sent to me by the generous folks at Harlequin Enterprises Limited. That’s the same Harlequin that publishes cheap romance novels my wife consumes at the startling rate of about four or five per week. In fact, along with my cash prize I received two genuine Harlequin romance novels.

One of them is called “The Bodyguard” by Sheryl Lynn. Ms. Lynn is a very talented writer, as you can see by the following excerpt from “The Bodyguard” :

“At a loss for words, he kissed her instead. Soft lips, warm and moist and when they parted, offering entry for his questing tongue, he groaned deep in his chest. He wanted to ravish her mouth; restraint pained him. He kissed her slowly, deeply, treasuring the silky thrusts of her tongue and the freshness of her taste and her sensuous scent swirling through his brain.”

Keep in mind this is just kissing, and yet I feel like I need a shower after reading that. You should see what comes next! I don’t want to give the story away, in case it gets turned into a made-for-TV movie, but let’s just say that a few pages later, “release came in shattering waves”. Talk about your good writing!

Since my wife is a big fan of this stuff, I generously decided to give her my two free romance novels. Besides, she opened the package, so it was too late to try passing them off as a spontaneous gifts from a loving husband.

It’s only fair that my wife shares in my prize winnings, since she actually entered me in the sweepstakes to begin with. She enters every sweepstakes we get in the mail. She spends hours filling out forms, taking stickers off of one piece of paper and affixing them to another piece of paper, signing up for magazine subscriptions she doesn’t want, and deciding whether she wants the green Jaguar or $75,000 in case her special sweepstakes number is chosen in the upcoming random drawing.

The Harlequin sweepstakes is the first time we’ve ever won anything. My wife is very encouraged by this. I have a feeling a lot of unwanted magazine subscriptions are in my future.

Being a successful Internet journalist, as well as a cash prize winner in a major sweepstakes, I have decided it’s finally time to “give something back”. The “something” I’m giving back in this case is an official prize check, number 458091154, in the amount of fifty cents, which I received from the Harlequin people.

You can enter the Official Modern Guy Millennium Countdown Contest (if you live in the USA) by sending me an email (joeshockley@usa.net) telling me why I should send you an official prize check for fifty cents. Be sure to enclose your address. I will choose a winner and mail the check out by actual U.S. first class mail. I will also choose a first runner-up, whom I will send a genuine Harlequin romance novel (used) which has been autographed by me. The deadline to enter is October 20, 1999. I’ll announce the winner in next week’s column.

I can’t wait to see your emails! In fact, I’m so excited about this contest, I’m actually groaning deep in my chest!

by Joe Shockley,

October 14, 1999